Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
