you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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