just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
