If you're really into hairy Serbian chicks, Cleveland has a lot to offer(216): We're going to cougar night, the serbian chicks are the best aged.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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