God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I'm both gender and math confused
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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