Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
