I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Randomize
