note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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