She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
