a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
