just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
