Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
