also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Randomize