Only a mothe r could love this liver
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
