So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I need to stop coming to work sober
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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