Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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