also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
