Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
he puts the penis in happiness.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
