I bet he comes in French.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
