I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
