he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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