She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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