is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
