I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
