When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
