Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
operation have a gay friend backfired
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Randomize
