i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
