Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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