Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
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