Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
