He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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