we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
