i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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