I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
