you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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