You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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