just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
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