Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
