we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
