And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
