nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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