then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
