I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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