I intend to get homeless drunk
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
