What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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