im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
