He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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