You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
