her facebook's as public as her vagina
Don't EVER smell your tampon
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
