I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
