paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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