drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
