He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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