i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
