You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
