If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Randomize
