shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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