Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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