Apparently you make a good broom.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
