I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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