It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
