You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
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getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
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I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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