erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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