I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
