There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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