i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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