So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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