We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
